Lex Luthor, CEO of Lexcorp and famously antisocial psychopath, became the first high profile supervillain to endorse the American Health Care Act, the Trump administration’s signature legislation designed to re-engineer the health insurance markets and replace Obamacare.
“I’ve engineered more than my share of reckless, life endangering, schemes in my ongoing quest to further enrich myself, but nothing I’ve ever done in that area is as impressively evil as what the Republicans have just pulled off in one afternoon.” Luthor said, at a press event in his executive office, high above the city of Metropolis. “I really have to take my hat off to them. I mean, anyone can kill of a whole bunch of people in one fell swoop, but it takes a special kind of monster to throw 24 million people off healthcare and watch them die slow deaths that would have been easily preventable if only they could afford the care. It’s inspired. It makes me think I should really up my game. When I fired those missiles at the San Andreas fault, in an attempt to raise the value of my, soon to be coastal, real estate holdings, it would have killed millions, for sure. But that is nothing compared to the tens of millions whose lives will be destroyed by this, gloriously reprehensible, congressional action!”
“Think of it!” Luthor continued, his eyes blazing beneath his shaved dome. “Cancer treatments suspended! Diabetes drugs denied! And, best of all, C-Sections counted as pre-existing conditions, thus denying potentially life saving treatment to mothers and their unborn children! All from the party of Family Values! All so that I, Lex Luthor, can receive a gigantic tax cut! I am humbled by the ferocity and ingeniousness of their unfettered malevolence. Kudos, I say, to all who have signed on to this legislation and to all those who votes made this all possible. Your complicity cannot be denied, now can it?”
Other top malefactors were quick to jump on the bandwagon. The Joker weighed in via a Facebook live feed. “I’m all smiles!” He said, showing off his impressive array of teeth. “I absolutely love how they have cut off funding for mental health services. Looks like it’s playtime at Arkham once again! I’m going to deliver an essential benefits waiver right to the front gates. I’ll blow up the insurance markets and the security checkpoints all in one fell swoop! Let’s make America Great Again! Great Fun, that is!”
Not to be outdone, the Riddler was soon to chime in with a tweeted puzzle of his own. “Riddle me this. What’s the difference between an orderly, prosperous, healthy society and a wasteland of inhuman suffering and misery?” Shortly after, he tweeted the solution. “Answer: Medicaid Block Grants! #MAGA #NoEvilLikeRepublicanEvil”
Congratulatory messages were limited merely to this planet. Utilizing Google’s, patent pending, TimeSlip service, Emperor Palpatine weighed in from a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, where he is currently working on the rushed construction, at an unimaginable cost, of a second Death Star. “Impressive.” He said, “Most impressive. The Empire has committed all of our resources to a battle station that has but one purpose. The destruction of entire planets and the genocide of whole populations. But only now have I learned that this, Trump, this master of evil, is accomplishing the same thing, with substantial savings, merely through healthcare and environmental policies. Perhaps, I have chosen the wrong…apprentice.”
Other legendary villains have not been so quick to weigh in. Victor Von Doom will only say he is withholding judgment until it he is able to determine whether his services as a Doctor will be covered under any insurance products available under the new program. We have been unable to reach the Dark Lord Sauron, despite numerous attempts to contact him, both at home in Mordor, and at his corporate offices in the Fox News Building.
Acclaim has not been universal among all legendary miscreants. One notable lowlife, perhaps the most famous of modern times, has not much good to say about the plan. “It’s weak. It doesn’t go far enough” said former Vice President Dick Cheney. “Some people are still able to get coverage.”
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