Witches Against “Trump Hunt”

In a show of solidarity with President Donald J. Trump, after his comments condemning the “Russian witch hunt,” a representative of the Covenant of the Goddess, an organization representing practitioners of Neo-Paganism, came forward to condemn similar practices directed toward the President.

“We are heartened by the President’s support of our fellow witches, who are currently living on the run in Russia.” said Morgana Ravenwood, a spokesperson for the Covenant.  “We were both surprised and pleased to learn that the leader of the free world was so concerned about the plight of these brave souls, persecuted for their religious beliefs by the violent autocratic regime of Vladimir Putin.  We hereby join with him in condemning this Russian Witch Hunt!”

In a recorded statement issued via YouTube, Ms. Ravenwood said. “We at the Covenant of the Goddess stand against persecution in all of its various forms and therefore must condemn, in the strongest terms the Trump Hunt being undertaken by the media and law enforcement organizations within this country.  Our bill of rights guarantees freedom of religion for all, regardless of belief system.  Though many of Mr. Trump’s beliefs, such as that climate change is a myth, or that he won the popular vote, may seem bizarre to the witches of my coven, we believe that his right to hold such beliefs must be vigorously defended.  If the President truly believes for instance, in the existence of alternative facts, or that Democrats are to blame for the AHCA failure, we must support his right to believe these things, regardless of how ridiculous they seem to my fellow worshippers of the Triple Goddess.  The bedrock of our belief system is tolerance and acceptance, traits that, I am certain, are embodied by our current President.”

Asked if the President had viewed the statement, press secretary Sean Spicer stated that the President “viewed the first few seconds but, as he is a busy man and as he rated Ms. Ravenwood as no higher than a four, he moved on.”  He then criticized several female reporters for taking notes “with an attitude” and left the room in a huff.

Former Delaware congressional candidate, and witchcraft dabbler, Christine O’Donnell broke her silence and chimed in on Twitter.  “I’m still not a witch,” she said “But if they don’t worship Hecate, they are heathens. If Trump goes along he could start to lose.  Badly”

Secretary of education Betsy Devos, was quoted as saying.  “Witches?  Are they the ones with the pointy hats, or the female dogs?  I always get them confused.”

Asked how President Trumps policies align with the ideals of a religious organization that focuses on empowering women and protecting the environment, Ms. Ravenwood said  “I haven’t really studied all of his policy positions but, how bad could he be?  It’s not like he’s going to dismantle the EPA or brag about sexually assaulting women, is he?”

 

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