President Donald J. Trump has, in recent days, been effusive in his praise for Christopher Wray, his nominee for the top position in the FBI, citing a deep personal connection he felt to the former assistant attorney general because he had seen him in so many fine children’s films over the years.
“When I heard that Christopher Wray was available for this job, I was thrilled!” Trump told a group of supporters on Wednesday. “When I looked at him, and remembered the examples of his wisdom and strength, as portrayed in the classic Winnie the Pooh tales written by, that great American, Walt Disney, I knew there could be no better choice. I thought to myself, who better to defend this nation against domestic terrorism than a man who, even when he was just a boy, always managed to protect and comfort the inhabitants of the hundred acre woods. He really knew how to keep the peace. In all his time, only one Tigger got past the wall and I don’t even need to tell you about the Heffalump profiling program.”
Trump continued, visibly tearing up. “I will never forget his timeless words ‘we’ll always be friends forever.’ That’s what I want in this job. A friend, who isn’t mean to me. A friend who will always be loyal.”
When reminded that was actually speaking about a fictional character named Christopher Robin and not to Christopher Wray, the Yale educated defense attorney and former justice department official, Trump brushed it off. “I never paid much attention to the part of the cartoon with the words. I don’t like too many words. I like my own words. And this Christopher Wren guy, well Priebus picked him out.”
When asked about the President’s mistake, chief of staff Reince Priebus said, “Oh, bother!!” and locked himself in his office.
Attorney General Jeff Session, when briefed on the misunderstanding said, fretfully, “Oh d-d-dear!” and immediately recused himself.
President Trump said he would meet personally with Wray at Camp David, where they could relax by a private stream and get to know each other over a bit of honey and a game of pooh sticks, before getting on to the serious business of finding Sean Spicer’s missing tail.
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