In a closed door meeting with Rep. Devin Nunes and several other assistants, sources confirm that President Donald J. Trump vented his frustrations with the intelligence community and their ongoing probe into possible Russian collusion with his election campaign.
“These intelligence people think they know everything.” the President stated, “Well they don’t! Intelligence is overrated!”
Nunes, the chair of the House Intelligence Committee and, as previously reported, a fair and impartial arbiter of the facts, appears to have taken the President’s words to heart. Immediately after the meeting, Nunes called a halt to all further investigations and advised the committee that, until further notice, no decisions will be made based on intelligence. He then gave a, hastily assembled, press conference announcing his plans to re-brand his task force as the “House Surety Committee.”
“I think you will agree” Nunes said, “that this name change now more accurately reflects the direction this committee will be taking, under my guidance. The President assured me today,” he continued, revealing further details of his private conversation, “that it has always been his policy never to overestimate American Intelligence. I think truer words have never been spoken.”
Emboldened by positive response on Capitol Hill, the President decided to go public with his pronouncement. “Intelligence is overrated!” he tweeted, “These people see things but Just. Don’t. Get. It.”
His words were immediately embraced by his supporters. Republicans in congress, who have long railed against the obtrusiveness of intelligence into peoples lives, celebrated the message. Fox News immediately redoubled their efforts in their, long running and extremely successful, “War On Intelligence” campaign. The Trump campaign immediately began issuing products bearing the 2020 campaign slogan:
Others were not so pleased at the President’s pronouncement. Senator Bernie Sanders, of Vermont said, “I believe that those possessing intelligence should be treated more seriously in this country. Certainly more so than they were during the last campaign.”
Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, reached for comment shortly after the President’s “Intelligence is overrated!” tweet, seemed somewhat despondent. “While I, as always, agree with the President, I now face the difficult task of finding a replacement slogan for the Department of Education.”
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